Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Worst. Headline. Ever.


Has someone at the Tribune been reading too many blogs? Maybe the headline writer? This. Little. Trick. has gone too far. I'm guilty of using it. Hector's guilty. It's time the blogosphere take a hard look in the mirror. Must. Stop. Using. Full Stops. We are collectively dragging the english language down into the gutter. It's not a pretty sight. So from here on out, I promise that only full sentences and proper grammar shall be used (can I use "shall" there???). So, Chicago Manual of Style, here I come! Hey Strunk & White, make some room for the American Sector. Hey language gestapo - where do I get fitted for my brown shirt? I'm mad, I'm armed with a blog, and I will enforce the rules. Who's with me?

Friday, January 27, 2006

Do No Very Little Evil


What a week for Google. First they decided to fight the Government to keep our porn records secret. How could they top that? How about with an agreement with China to censor google searches in the world's most populous nation! Nice move, boys. Why not castrate the very tool that could lead to the overthrow of a totalitarian state. Now, technically, they're not "doing" evil - just making the evil-doing a little easier for others. Kind of like the way Picasa helps you organize all the photos on your computer. Well, as long as the porn records are safe... and google stock stays above $400.

Speaking of porn, I had an interesting conversation the other day—we were discussing whether online porn could become the new marijuana of politics. That is, in 5 or 10 years, some sort of scandal will bring down a candidate, judge, or politician because some reporter gets a hold of their browsing history. As I mentioned last month, Robert Bork had his movie rental history pulled into the public eye - so I think it's just a matter of time. Marijuana has pretty much faded as a political hot potato, but it's hard to imagine the public getting over their leaders checking out midget sex or the ubiquitous chicks with dicks. (I was tempted... but no, I'm not gonna give you those links.)

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Random Acts of Spontaneous Exercise

As I was sitting at my computer the other day, a nice looking couple walks by our house. Nothing too unusual. 5 minutes later, they walk back the other way - this time they stop and break out in a impromptu exercise session featuring the high tech workings of a hulahoop! One had the orange hoop, the other a jump rope. They went at it full volume for a few minutes, stopped and traded equipment, then resumed. Back and forth... back and forth. Then came the stretching. Oh, the slow, thorough stretching. With tenderness and care, they would help each other work out those quads and hammies, but they never overlooked the lower back, which got some special, special attention. 20 minutes this continued, and then they were gone. As you can see, the cat was fascinated.

Domesticating the American Male

Listen, I'm a sensitive guy. There's no denying it. I love my family. I am happy to cook dinner on a regular basis. I may not enjoy cleaning the house, but I'm more than willing to do my fair share. Had I been born a few years earlier, I would have clearly voted for the ERA and pulled for Billy Jean King in her match against Bobby Riggs. But now, I've been pushed too far. Yesterday, in what can be described as nothing less than tyranny of the majority, it was decided that for the year 2006, our household will use a calendar featuring pictures of kittens. It was a major blow to my political standing. I tried to filibuster, but was blocked in a cunning procedural move. I even threatened a veto, clearly not within the powers of my office. I must now carve out my place in the body politic, and decide what role I can play as the opposition party. Sigh....