Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I Want My 4 Hours Back

Dearest Sister, I am writing with the awkward task of delivering a bill. But first, I must thank you for being such a wonderful host when I was in Seattle last month. Your hospitality was, as always, top notch. That's one of the reasons I felt so bad about stealing your book. You see, I found it in the guest bedroom and figured it wasn't one of your cherished tomes. Needing something to pass the time on my flight home, I just took the book. When it comes down to it, you probably expect such behavior from your little brother. Here's the thing. This book was terrible. I mean really bad. 128 chapters of literary vomit. Passages like, "Susan had gotten used to Hale hitting on her. His favorite line was about interfacing to see if their hardware was compatible," undercut any plot twists that might have sparked my interest. And that blurb from Midwest Book Review on the back cover that reads, "A chilling thrill a minute" - I'm sorry, but that dog won't hunt. So, it's my unfortunate duty to charge you for the 4 hours of my life I wasted on your book. Being salaried, it was hard to come up with a fair figure, so I did a little searching online for freelance rates. Boy, there's a wide range of figure out there, but I'm sure we can agree that $242.63 is a fair price for a worker of my experience. Remember, I will have to pay self-employment tax on this income. So keep an eye out for a package containing the book and an invoice. It should arrive UPS ground within 5-9 days (nothing but the best for you, Sis!). Thanks!