Thursday, September 22, 2005

Panic in the Streets of Austin

The American Sector has no correspondents available in Houston this week (Fox News and CLTV snatched them away with promises of fame and fortune) So instead, we bring you the blogging brilliance of freelance reporter Neal Pollack, who is waiting out the storm in Austin.
We've stocked up on water, dried goods, canned food, and flashlight batteries. And no, I'm not joking. If my house gets damaged, those goddamn skinflints at Allstate had better cover me, or else...I'll blog about it! Or maybe write for Slate!

There will be hard decisions in the days ahead. Do I save my cats or the boxes of remaindered copies of Never Mind The Pollacks that I have stacked up in the garage? Sacrifice a pig for me and my family, smear its blood on your chest, and whisper my name three times into a cupful of rat urine. Or just pray normally, if that's what you prefer.

As always, Neal is calm, cool, and collected in the face of danger. This is what makes him America's Greatest Living Writer.