Monday, June 13, 2005

You've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.


Do you love sidewalk cafes? If so, I have some bad news: my summer plans include destroying your way of life.

I hate sidewalk cafes. First of all, I hate eating outside. It's windy, there's bugs, its dirty and hot - I generally believe no enjoyment can from the experience. And then there's the issue of the sidewalk. You, my friend - as you enjoy your $18.95 entree on the same patch of pavement where Patrick the local junkie relieved himself early this morning - you are in my way. I am a pedestrian and I would like to pass. Unfortunately, your dinner party, the waitress, the busboy, and all those tables and chairs seem to be in my path. You see, I was taking a walk and I thought I would use the sidewalk. What? Oh, you say this fine establishment has a permit from the city of Chicago and you claim it is following all the rules and regulations? Okay, I'll let it go this time. But remember, I have a lot of free time this summer and I plan to bring your reign of terror to an end. Until then, enjoy the meal - and I hear the bbq southwest sushi is to die for!